Suffering to Learn - Blessed Revelations (Part 2)

Living in a comfort-focused society and culture, when it comes to suffering, the goals tend to be either to avoid it altogether or attempt to get through with it as fast as possible. We never actually take the time to instead learn how to be good at it. I mean, it's not something one would normally think about in regards to things you're good at... football, math, suffering... To attempt to avoid suffering is natural, but to embrace it is supernatural.

As I began to read Don Piper's book, the flood gates of conviction were opened wide, as the book provided raw, unedited emotion that echoed in my situation... one prone to sin, bitterness, and the like. The following were a few key points in regards to understanding myself and my own sin that the Lord walked me through, that I think can resonate with other sufferers:

Problem with Selfishness

Suffering can easily make you self-focused. All-consuming, narrow-visioned, self-focused. We can allow the suffering to become our justification to avoid the rest of the world around us. The only tears we shed are for ourselves. Our suffering slowly begins to become our new identity. We can even begin to use our suffering as justification to sin in other areas, thinking it gives us some perverse thoughts of entitlement to do whatever we want because we are suffering.

It's easy to think, "God, this is SO unfair! I'm an innocent victim here!", to which God says, "So was my Son." The sufferer needs to remember that, though what happened is tragic and pain felt is real, that selfishness is not the solution. It's not all about them. We need to instead focus our sights on Christ, being renewed by His understanding of our suffering, as well as even grieved by how our sin caused Him to suffer.

Problem with Pride

I try to tend to be a positive person, looking on the brighter outlook of life. However, the negative side of that, combined with some acting skills, makes me prone to never let people in. I brush off people wanting to get close and help. I avoided fellowship, streaming from one side of not even desiring to be around people to the other side of not wanting to be a burden to others. I didn't want encouragement, I didn't want people... I wanted results.

What the sufferer needs to know is that fellowship is a necessary component to reap the full purpose of the suffering process. You can't allow yourself to distance yourself from others, turning you down a horrible spiral of isolation. The most effective strategy to leave someone vulnerable is to take out their wingmen. At the same time, the sufferer must realize that to deny people's help is to deny them the ability to minister to us. Sufferers tend to be good at helping, but suck at being helped... all stemmed from a root of pride.

I remember when this wall came down for me (not by choice). I was attempting to pack for my flight home, which was all it was... an attempt. I would get up for about one minute, try to throw some shirts in a bag before the pain got too overwhelming and I had to lay back down. I would continue that process over and over, until at one point I just broke down in tears, throwing my hands up... I need help! I can't do this alone!

Problem with Idols

One of the largest bitter-sweet moments for the sufferer is the revelation of who their God really is. When we suffer, our idols rise to the surface... they are the places we go to indulge ourselves to aid for the pain. Food, sex, drinking, drugs? You will worship something, it's just a matter of determining what that is. The root is idoltry.

I remember laying in my bed, staring at my Bible... with no desire to open it up what-so-ever. I don't know if it was a combined emotion with being angry and confused with God about the whole situation, or if it was the mere fact that I had a worship problem. I would go to all other venues I knew how to deal with the suffering... food, video games, movies, emotional pity-parties... even the aquistion of knowledge could clearly be seen as an idol for me, as I looked to spend my time going to books and information for comfort rather than the Lord. Even times when people would send me encouraging Scripture, and I would just roll my eyes and not even read it.

In suffering, our worship and identity is tested. It provides an amazing opportunity to worship God or learn how to worship Him better. Many of these idols in my life would never have come to the surface, had I not had to go through this process. Through suffering, you have the grace to see what or who your functional Savior is, not your proclaimed Savior (if they are in contradiction).

Problem of Worth

Everyone always seeks purpose and meaning for their lives. However, when suffering hits, we tend to see that is a bump in the road, a hindrance to our destination, rather than a loaded turbine to project us forward. The sufferer, still being self-consumed, can feel worthless, depressed, alone.

I remember laying in bed alone, again in tears because of the built up emotional stress coupled with the phyiscal pain. I remember just yelling out, "What good am I here?!" I literally thought I possessed percisely zero value for the Kingdom of Heaven laying in a bed. Then, while reading through some old journal entries, I recalled an old prayer that I made me both cry and laugh at the same time. "Lord, teach me what it looks like to 'Be still, and know that you are God'."

Well, I didn't really have many options but to "be still", so I just began to focus on the "that you are God" part. Instantly, the Lord began running Scripture through my head, reminding me about how He didn't need me. My value to Him was not determined by what I could do FOR Him. God just wanted me... disabled, vulnerable, and emotional Jon Neal. He loves me just as I am, and I need to continually just be still, and know that He IS God, and all that that entails.